


History

by Jessa



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Force-Sensitive Finn (Star Wars), M/M, Pining, Sexual References, StormPilot are Friends With Benefits, Tags May Change, background reyrose, past Finn/Slip, past finnrose, pre-TFA finnlo
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-02-02
Updated: 2020-02-02
Packaged: 2021-02-25 16:35:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,409
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22499191
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jessa/pseuds/Jessa
Summary: I was basically scrolling through my Tumblr drafts and I found this messy thing. Here’s my attempt to clean it up. It's set between TLJ and TROS. Finn is living with the Resistance on a jungle planet. Some of his needs are presently taken care of by Poe but he’s not forgotten someone he once had to leave behind.Just a heads up there's StormPilot in the first chapter but it's a Finnlo fic and that's the endgame. I've just had this Finnlo/StormPilot crossover idea for a while so finally trying it out. Comments are welcome!Also yep! I keep changing the title of this fic but I think I'm finally done now, sorry! ((always been awful at planning)) XD <3
Relationships: Finn/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 4
Kudos: 9





	1. The Conversation

Finn and Poe are kissing again.

This often happens after dinner, once they and Rose and Rey have finished running errands, or waiting for a contact on the surface of some planet to rendezvous with them in its airspace; to transfer supplies or confidential data that needs to be shared on a cable.

Basically after spending the whole day together. Talking and laughing. Filling in time between required stuff. But kissing in ship gear is not as romantic as Finn would like it to be so they never do that in the day, amongst all the required stuff, and the filler stuff.

They only ever kiss after dinner back on the Base. Once Finn has changed back into his much more comfortable Base clothes - different from his pilot clothes - and once his belly is full of Chewie’s excellent bantha stew and everything around him is just a whole lot more peaceful and relaxed. It’s just a better ambiance to kiss in. 

Finn doesn’t feel very peaceful in his heart right now though, even though he’s kissing. And even though it’s nice kissing. Poe’s just not entirely the exact person he really wants to be kissing right now because inside his heart things still feel chaotic. Inside his body, Finn still feels anxious; the ambiance is one thing but internal worlds are quite another.

Ben used to understand all about that. And before him, so did Slip. Poe understands it too, but it’s just not quite the same with him. It could be. Maybe. If hearts were simpler than they are. Regardless, it is still nice to kiss Poe in the ambiance after dinner. In comfortable clothes and with a full belly. But Finn knows they’ll still need to have the conversation again.

Finn hates the conversation. Having it feels mean. He never needed to have it with Rey. He did need to have it with Rose, and it went well. And it helped very much that straight afterward Rose disappeared off into the jungle with Rey, as though that was meant to be too, as well as the conversational ease, and then - when they came back - Rose and Finn never needed to have the conversation ever again because Rey and Rose started doing a whole lot of kissing of their own after dinners after that. It had worked out very well, that time. The conversation.

Finn wishes that it could be like that now with Poe. And every other time too; that straightforward. He wishes they could have the conversation just once and then never need to have it again. But the conversation seems to be like a heart, and especially Finn's. Not simple. 

It’s not because Poe doesn’t listen to Finn though. He does listen to Finn. Poe’s a good listener. Some people on the Base seem to think that he isn’t but Finn is not one of those people.

And it’s not because Poe minds what Finn’s saying. Entirely. Finn does suspect that Poe does mind a little bit but really it’s Finn who actually minds the conversation the most.

Finn is the one who’s most upset by it, by needing to have it in the first place and also by needing to keep on repeating it. Poe just seems a little inconvenienced each time. Understanding even. Sort of. In his own way.

“There’s someone else,” Finn says to Poe now, drawing away from their kiss and looking at him with earnest eyes. Poe’s eyes are still on Finn’s lips.

“Yeah, I know,” Poe murmurs. And then he leans in again, his hands still cupping the back of Finn’s head, and just before his lips make contact again with Finn’s, whose own lips still want to kiss, Poe says, “He’s not here though.”

If Ben ever did come back to Finn - if Ben ever left, like he always said he wanted to, during the darkest hours of his and Finn’s nights together, way back before that terrible night of Finn’s first live battle when he left the First Order - Finn knows all this would end. All this with Poe. He just knows it in his heart. 

Finn knows it because he made Ben a silent promise in his heart, from where he stood across the flames in the desert, that last night he saw him before he left. Finn remembers this promise while he keeps on kissing Poe because it just feels really nice - Finn’s always liked kissing, since his first time with Slip - and because kissing is much nicer than wondering yet again if Ben knew way back then that he’d made that promise.

Wondering if he’d felt it then, or later when he spied him from the bridge or fought him in the snow or watched him attempt to self-sacrifice. And wondering if he feels it now and if Ben ever thinks about Finn like this. Like how Finn thinks of Ben. While kissing somebody else.

Finn’s been wondering these things more and more often lately, as well as if what Finn knows now about himself and the Force means he and Ben have always had a weird connection too, like Rey says she has with Ben.

Finn would like to ask Rey more about those in general. Connections. He has asked her a few things already and he knows she doesn’t much like the one she has with Ben. She likes it a little bit but mostly it just seems to bother her. Maybe Finn should stop kissing Poe right now and go ask Rey some more questions about connections. Maybe. Maybe not.

Finn closes his eyes and imagines Poe’s mouth is Ben’s. Imagines the hands caressing the nape of his neck are Ben’s too. And that so are the fingers, trailing their way down to his shoulders, then squeezing at his biceps and rubbing across his pecs. Feeling beneath the weave of his shirt for his nipples. 

Finn leans in and Poe yields. And Finn knows - in this exact moment - that if he wanted to he could lay Poe right down onto his back, just like he used to do to Ben. Just like Slip used to do to him. That’s how he learned how to do it. Who he learned it from. All those things Slip used to do to Finn, Ben loved Finn doing to Ben. And Finn loved doing to Ben. And Finn wants to do those things again to Ben.

And so if Finn could lay Poe down now like that, well then he could really imagine Ben. Even though Poe is more like Finn’s size, their bodies would fit a little differently. Finn could still imagine some things and that imagining would likely be just as nice as kissing.

Finn never does that though, because that’s the line. Finn’s drawn the line inside his head and he never crosses over it. And Poe never asks him to. That’s why Finn suspects that even though he knows he probably could lay Poe down if he wanted, Poe understands why he doesn’t. And Poe’s okay with that. 

“You know that isn’t the point,” Finn says, drawing away again and looking at Poe who this time looks into Finn’s eyes as he answers and sighs, asking, “Time to stop?”

“Not quite yet,” Finn whispers. 

And then he leans in again and kisses Poe for one last time tonight, closing his eyes once more and allowing his mind to drift back to kissing Ben so that later - when he does snuggle down alone inside his makeshift cot on the Base - he can remember this. Kissing warm lips that want to be kissed and not just his lumpy pillow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There’ll be some more soon.


	2. Lightsabers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kylo/Ben POV.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kylo and Ben are personas of the same person.
> 
> I was planning on writing it all as Ben but I tried it with this chapter and it just didn’t do what I wanted it to do so I’m hoping it’s gonna work like this, and not be too clunky to read, as Kylo from Ky POV and Ben from Finn POV... anyway, we’ll see! Thoughts are welcome on that.

Kylo is almost asleep when he feels it. A signature through the Force. It’s one he’s felt before and in truth, there is only a handful he knows but he's never felt this one quite like this so at first, he doubts what he feels. It's very surprising. There really are only two Force-signatures that could ever feel this way and one of those is definitely not about to actively Force-connect with him. Not after Crait. Unless there’s been some emergency. But he hasn’t sensed anything like that. So that only leaves the other.

In the low light of his chambers, his cheek still pressed to his pillow, Kylo opens his eyes and looks across the bed at Finn. His heart skips a beat. His lips part a little. Finn tenses. Kylo doesn’t move. They both just lie there looking at each other in silence while the candle Kylo always burns at night in his room to help him sleep flickers as though counting seconds. Each subtle flash of light marking the passing of one. Each shadow in between marking more until all the flashes and shadows add up to whole minutes.

They all pass by but Finn is still tense; hardly breathing. Maybe Kylo should say a thing now to reassure him. He wonders if Finn even knows what’s happening, or where he is. Can he see Kylo's surroundings? Probably best just to come right out and check.

So in the quietest voice he can find - he doesn’t want to scare Finn away - Kylo asks, “Do you know where you are, Finn?”

Kylo watches him give the smallest shake of his head. Then he murmurs, “No.”

Kylo blinks and nods his head a little. He lets a few more minutes pass. Wonders if Finn will disappear. Gives him time to. Finn doesn’t disappear. He just continues to lie there, as still as Kylo lies. Silent. As silent as Kylo. Maybe Kylo should say something else now. Maybe Finn’s expecting him to.

“You’re in my chambers,” Kylo says, keeping his voice as quiet as he can and watching Finn very carefully. Looking for signs of anger.

All there seems to be though is caution in Finn’s eyes. He is watching Kylo as carefully as Kylo watches him. Kylo wonders if Finn’s stuck. Has he really done this accidentally? If he doesn’t really know where he is, perhaps he has. Kylo should ask him that too.

“Did you mean to come here? Were you thinking about me, Finn?”

Finn screws up his nose. “No,” he says. “I was thinking about… something else.”

“What were you thinking about?” Kylo asks, skeptical; knowing very well how Force-connections work. Both the bridged kind and the other kind. This kind.

“I was thinking about lightsabers,” Finn says.

Kylo adjusts his cheek against his pillow and looks deep into Finn’s eyes. There is no visible hint of deception, but Kylo can feel something through the Force when he pushes just a little at the edges of Finn’s mind. The sensation causes the slightest crease to form between Finn’s brows. Kylo withdraws.

“Sorry,” he murmurs, remembering very well how much Finn doesn’t like it when he does that uninvited.

Kylo goes silent. It used to be, when Finn used to come to him as a stormtrooper - in very different chambers to these white ones, which he hates, and which he plans to destroy soon, that’s how much he hates them - that Finn would always start out quiet but if Kylo was silent for long enough eventually he’d talk so much Kylo hardly noticed the minutes passing. He didn't need a candle to count them.

Hours usually took so long to elapse. But the sound of Finn’s voice back then took him through them all so quickly. Too quickly. His lonely sleepless nights, before he knew Finn, used to drag so much and then once Finn arrived - was with him, joined him - he couldn’t seem to slow them down enough. The one time in his life he finally found a reason to yearn for long nights, and they were never long enough. Not when Finn was there. Talking to him.

“I know you're doubting it right now, Ben, but I was so thinking about lightsabers,” Finn’s saying, defiant.

Kylo feels his stomach flip at the sound of Finn using his true name again. And at the tones of defiance. The corners of his mouth twitch upwards. He drops his eyes from Finn’s for a moment and busies his cheek again against the soft pillow beneath it. Enjoying the feelings Finn's stirring inside him.

“What?” Finn’s asking him now. “Don’t like me calling you that anymore?”

“I don’t mind,” Kylo answers, feeling his cheeks growing warm and still averting his eyes from Finn's. “You know that... are you sure?”

“Sure?”

“Sure that’s all you were thinking about?”

Kylo’s eyes find Finn’s again and he longs to press beyond the edges of his mind and find out the whole of the truth. But he knows Finn can feel him thinking about doing that so Kylo doesn’t do it. He just waits again for Finn to keep talking, once he’s had enough silence. Kylo longs for that too, for Finn to keep talking. To hear it. To hear that Finn's been thinking again about him.

And then his stomach knots. Perhaps this time Finn won’t keep going. Perhaps he will just disappear, perhaps he does know how. Perhaps too much has happened since way back then. Finn's seen too much, Kylo's done too much. They've fought. They’ve hurt each other. Left a lot of permanent marks. _Lightsabers._

“Yes,” Finn answers. "I'm very sure that's all I was thinking about."

Kylo blinks. He feels his brow twitch. Then he sighs through his nose and says, “If you want to leave, you can… you know that, right? I won’t try to stop you.”

He’s gone too fast. Pushed too fast. Pushed him away. Finn doesn't know how he got here. He doesn't know how to get back. Kylo suggests these ideas to Finn, through the Force. And Finn nods. It's just a small movement but it’s still enough for Kylo to finally know. No more maybes. No more perhaps.

“Close your eyes,” Kylo whispers, unable to hide the sadness in his voice but he knows he can’t keep Finn here. He's never been able to keep Finn here, not in a place like this. Not if he really doesn’t want to be in it. And Kylo knows he never really has. Finn never lied about that. “Imagine something closing... slowly…”

After he's gone - after Finn has disappeared and Kylo is alone again - Finn doesn’t come back. Even though Kylo waits. Wondering if he might.

And eventually Kylo does fall asleep. And the candle just burns itself out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading. A bit more soon.


End file.
